I just got back from taking down the trash and right on the surface of the bin, I see a bunch of empty pill packages. There’s some diazepam but it’s empty, but then I look closer and I see a package that still has 3 100mg hcl morphine tablets. Holy shit.
I’m not really an opioid user. I’ve used hydrocodone and oxycodone a few times recreationally in the past, but I’m talking in the last 10 years I’ve had maybe 8 – 10 experiences with recreational opioids at most. I’ve had quite a few other addictions in my time and have tried most things at least once.
In the last few years though I’ve given all that up. I’m a daily kratom user and have been for years but that’s just for maintaining my mental health, I don’t get any recreational effects from it anymore. I have a drink of alcohol once or twice a week and I smoke weed whenever it’s available to me, usually only a few times a year, but I am though not literally by my own definition basically clean, insofar as the drugs I take don’t have negative consequences on my life.
But I saw these 3 morphine pills and I was so tempted. I stood there staring for a solid 2 minutes, but I ended up leaving them there. Part of it was the fact that since I have little opioid tolerance (kratom might diminish the effects of opioids on me slightly but one time after already being a kratom user, I took oxycodone as prescribed by a doctor and it worked normally), I realized even taking half of one pill might endanger me, even though they seem to be slow release. I thought to myself, maybe I take a pill and cut it up into tenths, keep three 10mg pieces and throw away the rest.
I left it there though. First time in my life I ever turned down free drugs. I kind of want to feel proud of myself for not fucking around with opioids again, another part of me thinks I’ll regret not just taking a tiny piece for just one euphoric day.
I think it’s good that I left them there. I care about my own well being a lot more than I used to. Not looking for compliments or encouragement here, just wanted to rant and hoping some of you could relate to the temptation.