I was writing this huge thing and it was turning into the story of my life so I decided to just do a quick summarised version. Basically I’m 21, doing an electrical apprenticeship and wanna quit and do literally anything else. I’m second year but on first year pay because I failed my college bit so badly I had to repeat half a year worth of it while continuing to work full time at first year pay which is horrible. I’ve always hated school, I’ve always been bottom of the class, but I dont think I’m an idiot. I have good general knowledge. I am FANTASTIC at computers and that kind of stuff. I like to think I’m self aware enough to know that I really am not stupid. EXTREMELY lazy maybe.
Anyway, its a 4 year course and I dont think I can keep up with the maths, or the full time work. I hate having to wake up at 6am every single work day, (sometimes as early as 4.50am) drive to wherever the hell I’m working to on that day (I live in a pretty major world city with terrible traffic) . And then work a 8 – 12 hour day. 5 days a week +some expected Saturdays (granted one day a week is my school but I’m failing that and thats probably the most stressful part). Its fucking miserable. Im too tired to do anything after work, I always just want to go straight home and smoke weed and just chill by myself and unwind, relax and not have to speak to anyone. Play video games, youtube, reddit, whatever. I’ve always liked my alone time, but now I really am too tired to do anything after work, even if its something I want to do. I used to go out all the time, but now I’m just too tired
I feel like I am missing out on my youth. I want to work other jobs, I want to go overseas and bartend or maybe try learn a language somewhere or find a girlfriend. Go and see Asia, India, I feel like I cannot manage my work and study with the life I want to live. I would be happy working casual jobs for a few years making enough to do whatever. Live pretty frugally in a share house. I am a dual citizen of Australia and ireland so I can live and work or even study in Europe if I want to. see the world and work at the same time somehow. I have a computer, and some cash so why not? I should also mention I have about $10k saved up.
I dont feel like I have to settle down now for the next 3 years and even though it would be a good idea to tough it out and have an electrical licence under my belt, I think I would go insane… 3 more years of this. And thats if I even pass my next exam next week… Would it really be that detrimental to any future career/my life if I didn’t complete this apprenticeship now? My parents seem to think so. They think its a terrible idea and that I should just stick this out.there are 35 year olds in my class and at my work at my level. why cant i do it then? I’ve tried to seperate myself from them. I have been for the past 6 months especially, never ever leaving my room and often not eating with them. Im trying to live my own life and figure it out. Im so, so, so, so sick of them telling me what to do. I know they are probably right, and they are my parents. But I cannot deal with it. I just want to be away from them. With me and my decisions, good or bad. Can someone please tell me if I sound crazy?
Then the weekend comes round and I either like to spend it in maximum rest/depress mode which is where I do absolutely nothing but smoke like 1-4g a day of weed mixed with tobacco through a bong in my room on my laptop lying in bed.
Or another weekend activity is going out with friends to the pub/city or a friends house and drinking copious amounts of alcohol mixed with adhd medication (its basically pharmaceutical speed) like dexamphetamine. Sometimes coke but that isn’t so often because of the price. And then spend the entirety of Saturday and sunday not being able to leave my bombshell of a room which is in complete darkness while I smoke weed all day, order uber eats, and sometimes take Xanax or valium if I have it to ease the comedown of drugs and alcohol
Mentioning drugs before, I smoked weed for the first time when I was 13 and smoked quite regularly throughout highschool. there were bouts of every day smoking for a few weeks or maybe months throughout my teenage years, and I actually gave up all drugs completely (except cigarettes and alcohol) for 1 year and 3 months from the age of 16 -17. Experimented with MDMA, had some really good times, really bad times, over it now. Done a fair bit of ketamine. Never really tried psychedelics but one day when I get my head in order I would be interested in trying them.
However, for almost exactly 2 years now, I have been smoking without question every single day. I have stopped once for 2 months and once for 3 weeks and maybe a few days here and there but pretty much 2 years straight. I go everywhere thats not work baked. I drive everywhere stoned, I go to the doctor stoned, shops, restaurants. I will wake up in the middle of the night, smoke a bong and go back to bed, wake up, instantly have a bong and just smoke weed all day when I’m not working. I have tried to stop, or at least smoke only joints and no bongs, but I seem to return to the bong each time. I’m worried I’ve done permanent damage to my brain to be honest. Years and years of smoking weed at a young age.
I dont know if its just me, but I think that the room im in is just not working for me anymore. I need a new fresh environment. I’ve been in here for like 10 years and I cant study in it, I cant do anything in it. Its always SHOCKINGLY messy like embarrassing I would never show my friends and im ashamed when my mum comes in.
I’ve also been smoking cigarettes every single day, definitely 100% everyday compared to weed, since I was about 15 (first cig at 13). Started off maybe 1 – 3 a day then by about 17 was smoking about 10 cigs a day even at school. Was friends with all the smokers and we got away with smoking every single day somehow haha. Now smoking is ritual. Morning ciggie in the car sometimes up to 3 just on the drive to work. smoke about 10 a day still, sometimes 20+ if I’m drinking or socialising.
I am quitting my job tomorrow most likely. I sent a text to my boss tonight asking him to give me a call so I could speak to him but he hasn’t called or texted back. Will read advice given in the morning and take it into consideration when making the final call tomorrow.