I remember my days as a youth, raving and dancing the night away at the many shady venue offerings of the Los Angeles area till the crack of dawn. These places filled with nitrous tanks, kids sitting on the ground sniffing molly off the back of their hands, acid heads trippin and flowing with such electric bliss one could only be jealous of the state of conscious they dwelled in to be so connected to it all, pacifiers nearly getting chewed in half by the Rollers with eyes wiggling so hard you couldn’t tell what or where they were focusing on (the epitome of visual bliss) and then there’s the odd one out of the group.: The Ketamine kids. I never was sober when I had tried it at these places and usually would be given a free bump or so and just didn’t find the appeal or was in a sober enough state of mind to make an accurate judgement. The people who were associated with this dissociative were just that, disassociated. Seemingly split from what was the world around them. Almost an oddity among the many faces of the early 2000s rave scene filled with kandi PLUR and sweaty smiling faces with dilated pupils.
Fast forward 15 years or so later I’m now 27 years old and have never had another experience with ketamine until a psychedelic drug dealer I often visit let me know they had acquired some! I was quite excited as it was one of the drugs I had difficulty finding in my local area and always had an interest In The “K hole” I’ve read so much about. I’ve also tried pretty much almost every SINGLE drug excluding heroin crack or meth (intentionally at least, it’s been in most of the cocaine I’ve tested and have taken oral methamphetamine but I don’t consider that the full meth experience)
It’s morning around 10am I start by taking 60mg bumps (6 of them over the course of the hour or so) and I decide ok I think I understand the drug but I just DIDNT see the draw or appeal it was neither good nor bad; it just was. I said fuck it being the psychonaut I am, hopped into the water both feet first. I poured the rest of the bag and it weighed to 243mg total eesh. Are we sure : I think to my many states of myself. Yes. Hang dong. Full send. I insufflate and immediately sit down. Here we go.
About 3 minutes in I start feeling the extreme disassociation of where I wanted my limbs to move and what they were doing. My feet clumsily moved along as if they were on puppet strings, walking felt as if I had zoomed out a 3rd person camera and I forgot I even existed. I was on autopilot, nothing was good, nothing was bad. Is this what I have become forever? I felt I should be terrified at the thought in my current state of mind but I wasn’t. If there is a true plane between hell and heaven : purgatory : limbo : the void. This is it, where nothing matters it just is. I somehow managed to coordinate my DMT pipe and pinch a bit of spice in there and rip it. (Odd as I haven’t smoked dmt in about 3 months). I did it out of my control and felt as nothing I did was being done by me. I merely was along for the ride sitting on top of my head like a passive observer along for the ride. I remember closing my eyes and laying down on my shag rug and couldn’t understand what was happening. I should be freaking out but I just couldn’t. I forgot what life was, what the purpose of doing anything was. Where I was or who I was . Watching an episode of my life from the outside. There was no concept of time or place and I just became what was. A spectre, a ghost floating among the living merely to observe.
All I could process in my thoughts is that I have become the carpet and I was the carpet. I wasn’t happy or sad about it, just a carpet. When I finally started to snap out of it looking down at the carpet I could think only one thing..
I 100% understand Ketamine, and I 100% don’t understand its appeal.
It is the epitome of existing in the plane between existence and nothing. I guess if my life was so terrible that the plane was a comfort I could see how one would wish to remain there, but for me I found zero novelty in it. It’s popularity has exploded in the Southern California area as of late and I just don’t understand why. Please tell me your experiences and thoughts on it I would really love to read them.
TLDR: found K as an adult snorted a 243mg line laid on the ground and became a fucking carpet. Y tho?